What about men?

Over the past few years, I have proudly and passionately championed women in their careers through coaching. I love this work, where organisations are committed to achieving equality and gender parity, where government is investing in female founders, and where there is a collective commitment to call out and remedy unconscious bias. Safe to say, the organisations I work with, and the individuals within them, are elevating women to the top.

Similarly, in organisations that genuinely fly the inclusivity flag, People of colour and LGBTQ+ employees are finally being supported, celebrated, and encouraged to propel forward in the work place.

We’re not there yet, for sure, but the shift is in place and it is forcing organisations to stop, redefine their purpose and values, and create a culture that puts employee wellbeing, equality, inclusion and equity at the forefront.

But within this welcomed gradual shift in conventions, I very rarely hear anyone, ANYONE, talking about how they support men and what’s going on for them. What’s in place within your organisation in terms of a male focused supportive network? How are we elevating them to be the best versions of themselves?

One of my core values and reasons to be is to help people feel – and know – they are included. It makes me uncomfortable that, based on a gradual positive shift towards equality in the cultural landscape, in some cases, men are not being treated equally.

“But they’ve had it easy. What are you talking about? They’ve been given an unfair advantage for centuries, they’re misogynists.”

Let’s look at this. There is no doubt that in this world, there are a load of horrible, horrible men. The ones that use power in the wrong way, who think women are nothing, who have archaic ideals, who sexually harass, who only choose men. They exist. And I wish to goodness we could lock them in a room, psychoanalyse them, break them down to their cores and build them back up to be realistic, good, fair, inclusive individuals. But we can’t.

There are also men who are kind, celebratory of all genders, who champion change, and have worked as hard as possible to get to where they are. The system may suggest that they have had an unfair advantage and, while that advantage exists, in fact, they have been acting with integrity and ambition and done the best they can. They’ve not consciously used being male to their advantage.

It feels like men are being unfairly tarnished with negativity, due to harmful stereotypes and generalisations. Fast forward 10 years, where’s this going to leave us?

To keep making progress on the inequalities faced by women we have to help men open up. The longer we go not addressing men’s issues, the more men we will lose to the simple - yet vile- definition of men Andrew Tate offers. This will only reinforce the existing situation and the gulf between the outcomes being sought by the sexes. Women’s and men’s equality are intrinsically connected.

I’ve been coaching men over these past few years and you know what I’ve learnt? They have confidence and identity struggles, they’re burnt out, they’re chronically stressed. Some feel an immense pressure to provide, be a good father, be a good colleague, run a marathon a month, and hold it together, but they’re finding it all too much. In the workplace they don’t know how to be anymore, or what to say. They don’t feel secure in their seat within the workplace, and they feel that, in being male, they have a red mark through their names. They’re overwhelmed in work/life, they feel suicidal, they feel lost, and they want to be better versions of themselves but don’t know how to ask for help with that. And for a lot of men, they turn to recreational drugs, gambling and drink to cope.

They don’t know what to do with all of these thoughts.

Men are stuck.

Through my work with individuals from all walks of life, I have learnt that genders currently have very different needs. It is my belief that an organisations role is to curate a cultural and wellbeing offering that supports those – and all - individual needs.

Women tend to drop out of the work-place due to significant life changes such as trying for or having children (and the juggle that ensues), going through perimenopause, illness, or caring for a loved one. That, or they’re victims of quiet firing, their roles suddenly no longer existing, or they’re impacted by toxic patriarchal seediness. This is where patriarchy has done a load of damage. We need to support them to be able to make their career and personal life flourish together (if that’s what they want). We need networks and strategies that enable them to grow, develop and know that they can. 

For men, although some issues will parallel with those experienced by a woman, the main theme coming up in coaching sessions is that they haven’t previously spoken about or shared the stuff that’s going on in their heads. Because in a world of conventional norms, they haven’t been taught to. This is where, to quote Caitlin Moran, “The Patriarchy is screwing over men, just as hard as it’s screwing women”. 

So maybe they want to work towards goals, develop, grow. Maybe they’re really struggling and crave strategies to make the work/life balance coexist smoothly - but they don’t say it, they don’t tell anyone. 

61% of men want to quit their job because it is affecting their mental health — yet the same percentage of them feel that they can’t discuss these issues with their boss. (Lumo Health) 

74 % of suicides are male with the highest number happening between ages of 50-54. (Samaritans)

That’s not great, is it? 

Men need to work on themselves – professionally, personally and mentally – just as much as anyone else.

The Midlife Man (www.themidlifeman.co.uk) offers men an outlet for all of this. Our aim is to champion men through coaching so that they feel supported, encouraged and heard, and have space to figure out what they want and then learn strategies to move forward from whatever they are stuck with. And if we are not what they need, we help them to find alternative support.

It’s time to take a step back and really think about what inclusivity means in your business. 

We need to create organisational cultures that consider everyone and understand that different people have different needs, but that everyone has a place. A culture where this stuff is talked about and worked through to ensure a template is built that supports all people coming through your organisation now, and in the future.

If you would like to chat through any of the issues raised in this article, or would like to work together, please reach out to us on info@themidlifeman.co.uk